How To Write Wedding Vows
Learn how to create wedding vows that your partner will love
Learn how to write the perfect vows that touch the hearts of all your guests
Congratulations, you're getting married!
One of the most special moments of your wedding day will be when you and your partner exchange vows.
Right about now, the idea of writing personal vows is probably stressing you out.
If you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure of where to start when it comes to writing your own vows, don't worry!
This guide will provide expert tips and a four-step framework to help you write memorable vows for your wedding day.
“Writing personal vows can feel like standing at the edge of a diving board, peering into the deep end of a pool and wondering if you’ll sink or swim.”
FAQ
How do I get started with writing my vows?
Start by reflecting on your relationship and what marriage means to you. This is a great time to think about the qualities and traits that you love about your partner, your shared experiences, values, and beliefs that you hold dear. Write down any ideas or memories that come to mind. You can also consider what you want to promise to your partner for your future together.
When should I start writing my vows?
Give yourself at least a few weeks before your wedding day to write and practice your vows. This allows you to give enough thought and time to creating a heartfelt message.
What if I'm not a good writer?
Don't worry if you're not a wordsmith. The most important thing is to speak from your heart and be authentic. Your partner will appreciate the sincerity of your words more than any fancy language or poetic phrases. You can also seek inspiration from examples of wedding vows below or from other sources to help you get started.
How long should my vows be?
Aim for 2-3 minutes, or around 200-300 words. This gives you enough time to express your love without losing your audience's attention. Don't turn your vows into a long speech! You want to keep your guests engaged and if you perform a monologue you’ll get the opposite reaction.
Should I make my vows funny or serious?
It's up to you and your partner. You can choose to have a mix of both or stick with a more serious or romantic tone. If you're a naturally humorous person, injecting some humor into your vows can be a great way to show your personality and make your partner smile. Just be sure to balance it out with the gravity of the commitment you're making.
Can I use quotes or song lyrics in my vows?
Yes, but be sure to give credit where credit is due. Using quotes or song lyrics can be a beautiful way to add depth and meaning to your vows, but choose words that are authentic to you and your partner. Don't just use a quote because it sounds nice or is popular, but because it truly resonates with your relationship.
Should we write our vows together or separately?
It's up to you and your partner. You can discuss the tone of your vows together and set a time frame, but ultimately you should write your own vows separately to keep them personal and unique.
Expert Tips
Make it personal. Describe why you care about your partner and how much you value the fact that they've chosen to spend the rest of their life with you.
Talk to your fiancé. You two can discuss the tone of your vows (eg. sweet, funny, romantic, or a mix) as well as set a time frame (2-3 mins).
Say what you mean: try to limit over-exaggerations like "I promise to wash your feet with my hair" or "I promise to worship the ground you walk on every day." Keep them realistic and stay true to you.
Practice reading your vows aloud. This will help you get comfortable with the language and delivery, and allow you to make any necessary edits or revisions.
Sharing personal vows can make you and your partner feel closer than ever!
How to Write Wedding Vows
Crafting vows is like building a puzzle, with each piece representing a special memory or promise, and the challenge of piecing them together into a complete and cohesive picture.
Questions to Get Started
What made you fall in love with your partner?
What do you admire most about your partner?
What do you look forward to most in your future together?
What promises do you want to make to your partner?
What are your hopes and dreams together?
Expert Tip: Use talk-to-text in your notes to get started. This expert tip can help you get your thoughts down quickly and easily, without worrying about spelling or grammar.
Writing Your Vows: 4-Step Framework
Now that you've answered some questions to get started, it's time to move on to the actual writing process.
Don’t worry, you won’t have to do it from scratch. I have just the thing to help you fill up that page in your vow book.
“Writing vows is like painting a picture: just as a painter carefully selects colors and brushstrokes to create a masterpiece, you must carefully choose your words and expressions to create a beautiful vow.”
Here's a 4-step framework by expert wedding planner, Jamie Wolfer, to help guide you as you write personal vows:
1. Reflection
Take some time to reflect on your relationship and what marriage means to you. Talk about your love story or share a story, such as how you first met or a struggle you overcame together. Consider your shared experiences, values, and beliefs. Think about what you love most about your partner and what you hope for your future together. Write down any ideas or memories that come to mind.
2. Brainstorming
Take the ideas and memories you wrote down in the previous step and begin to organize them into themes or categories. For example, you might have a theme of "adventure" if you and your partner enjoy exploring new places together. Or you might have a category of "lessons learned" if you've faced challenges in your relationship and grown stronger as a result.
3. Crafting
Use your brainstorming notes to craft your vows, focusing on what you love about your partner and what you promise to bring to the marriage. You might choose to include specific anecdotes or memories, or focus more on general promises and commitments. Be sure to personalize your vows and speak from the heart.
4. Refining
Edit and refine your vows until they are concise, meaningful, and authentic to you and your relationship. It's important to practice reading them aloud. This will help you get comfortable with the language and delivery, and allow you to make any necessary edits or revisions. You might also want to get feedback from trusted friends or family members, or even your partner (if you're comfortable sharing your vows ahead of time).
What to consider when creating your vows
Keep your audience in mind: While your vows are ultimately about your relationship with your partner, it's important to consider your audience as well. You want your vows to be meaningful and relatable to your guests, while still being personal and authentic to you and your partner.
Don't be afraid to get emotional: Personal vows are a chance to express your deepest feelings and emotions to your partner. It's okay to get vulnerable and let your emotions show. In fact, it can make your vows even more powerful and meaningful.
Practice, practice, practice: Even if you're a confident public speaker, reciting personal vows in front of a crowd can be nerve-wracking. Practice your vows out loud multiple times to get comfortable with the words and delivery. You may even want to practice in front of a trusted friend or family member for feedback.
Be true to yourself and your relationship: Ultimately, the most important thing when writing personal vows is to be true to yourself and your relationship with your partner. Don't feel pressured to conform to traditional wedding vows or to say what you think your guests want to hear. Your vows should be a reflection of your unique love story and commitment to each other.
Examples to Inspire your own
Now that you have some tips and a framework for writing your wedding vows, it's time to get inspired! Here are some examples of different types of vows to help you find the perfect tone and style for your own vows:
Remember, your wedding vows should be unique to you. Use these examples as a starting point, but don't be afraid to let your personality and your love shine through in your own words.
Simple Vows
My love, today I stand before you, with my heart open and my soul laid bare. From the moment I met you, I knew that you were the one for me. I vow to love you, cherish you, and hold you close through all of life's ups and downs. I promise to be your partner, your confidant, and your best friend. I vow to always be honest and true to you, to support you in all that you do, and to never take you for granted. With you by my side, I know that we can conquer anything that life throws our way. I love you. I choose you. And I promise to spend the rest of my life making you happy."
“I choose you, my love. Above all others, I choose you to be my partner, my friend, and my soulmate. I promise to be there for you, to laugh with you, to cry with you, and to stand by your side through all of life's challenges. I vow to support you in all of your dreams and aspirations, and to celebrate your successes as my own. You have brought light to my life, and I am honored to be marrying you today. I love you more than words can express, and I can't wait to start this new chapter of our lives together.”
Traditional Vows
“I pledge my love to you, [Partner's Name], today and forevermore. I vow to be faithful and true to you, to honor and cherish you, and to stand by your side through thick and thin. I promise to be your partner, your friend, and your lover, and to always treat you with the respect and kindness that you deserve. I will support you in all of your dreams and aspirations, and be a shoulder to lean on when times get tough. With this ring, I thee wed, and pledge to love you for all of eternity.”
I, [Name], take you, [Partner's Name], to be my lawfully wedded spouse. I promise to love and cherish you in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, as long as we both shall live. I vow to be your partner, your confidant, and your best friend. I will stand by your side through all of life's adventures and challenges, and I will always be there to support you and encourage you in all that you do. With this ring, I thee wed, and pledge to love and honor you always.
Non-Traditional Vows
"I choose you, my love, and promise to always be your partner in adventure. I vow to travel the world with you, to try new things, and to always push us to grow and experience life to the fullest. I will be your partner in every sense of the word, your shoulder to lean on, your rock, and your biggest supporter. I promise to love you fiercely and unconditionally, and to always choose us above all else."
"My love, I promise to never take the joy we have for granted. I vow to support and love you for who you are and not for who I want you to be. I promise to always put my all into us, and to be open and honest with you always. I vow to cherish and adore you, and to live our lives together in happiness, health and growth."
Religious Vows
"Before God and our loved ones, I pledge my love and commitment to you, [Partner's Name]. I vow to always love you, respect you, and support you in all that you do. I promise to put our faith first, to seek God's guidance in our relationship, and to honor you as my partner for all eternity. May God bless our union, and may our love continue to grow stronger with each passing day."
"Today, I stand here before God and all our loved ones to make a sacred vow to you, [Partner's Name]. I vow to love you unconditionally, to be patient, kind, and forgiving, and to always put our relationship first. I promise to respect your beliefs and support you in your spiritual journey, and to always seek God's guidance in our marriage. Together, we will build a strong foundation of love, faith, and devotion that will last a lifetime."
Funny Vows
“My dearest love, as we stand here together today, I can't help but think about how lucky I am to have found someone who loves me despite all of my quirks and oddities. I promise to always make you laugh, to never take myself too seriously, and to dance with you in the rain (even if it means ruining my shoes). I vow to be your partner in crime, your confidant, and your co-conspirator. I promise to always have a silly joke or a bad pun ready to go, and to never let the weight of the world bring us down. With you by my side, life is always an adventure, and I can't wait to see where our journey takes us.”
“I promise to love you, cherish you, and make you laugh every day. I vow to always be your partner in crime, your Netflix binge-watching buddy, and your dance floor partner. I'll be your rock, your shoulder to cry on, and your personal chef (at least for breakfast). And most importantly, I promise to always put the toilet seat down.”
Non-Religious Vows
"I vow to love and cherish you, [Partner's Name], for all of my days. I promise to be your partner, your confidant, and your biggest cheerleader. I'll be your sounding board, your comforter, and your co-pilot on all of life's adventures. I vow to be true to you, to communicate openly and honestly, and to always be there for you when you need me."
"I vow to stand by your side and support you in all of your dreams and goals. I promise to be your partner in every sense of the word, and to always communicate openly and honestly with you. Together, we will create a life filled with love, joy, and adventure."
LGBTQ+ Vows
"My dear, as we stand here today, I am filled with joy and gratitude for the love we share. I promise to always be your safe haven, your home, and your refuge from the storm. I vow to support you in all of your dreams and aspirations, to be your partner in every sense of the word, and to walk with you hand in hand through every step of our journey together. I promise to love you unconditionally, to respect your individuality, and to celebrate every part of who you are. Today and always, I choose you."
“I vow to always cherish you, to support and encourage you, and to be your partner in every aspect of our lives together. I promise to celebrate your victories, to hold you up during the difficult times, and to stand by your side through every challenge and triumph. I vow to build a life of equality, mutual respect, and endless possibility with you. I promise to be your companion, your friend, your lover, and your soulmate, and to spend the rest of my life learning, growing, and exploring with you. My heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for you, my beloved, and I vow to show you that love in every moment we share."
Get To Writing
By following these expert tips and using the 4-step framework outlined above, you can write vows that truly capture your love and commitment to your partner.
Remember to keep it personal, be true to yourself, and communicate from the heart. And most importantly, have fun with it!
This is a celebration of your love, and your vows are a beautiful way to share that love with your partner and your loved ones.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and happy writing!
